I know why I do it. I even know why some others do it. I even know why people all over the world do it. But do you know why you do it?
Why do you celebrate Christmas? Are you one of the ’sheeple’ who does it because it’s the thing to do at this time of year and everyone else is doing it so why not me too, me too, me too? Or have you considered all of the ‘hidden’ forces acting upon you to press you into celebrating the, so-they-say, birth of a little baby over two thousand years ago?
If you were explaining what you were doing over the Christmas holidays to a puzzled alien being from planet ‘Plop-n-tharg x101′ what would you say to them about the fact that you’d just taken this huge green spikey thing into your home so that your children could stab themselves in the feet on the needles all over the holiday period in the comfort of their own home? And then you’re hanging sugar-candy, E-number packed, brightly coloured danglers on this tree of spikes that your kids have to keep hands off until the special day just to tempt them into getting told off. Then, the big day arrives and they’re stuffed with these sugars and you’re scraping your kids off the ceiling whilst rinsing out the turkey that you have to begin cooking at 6 o’clock in the morning because it’s so damn big! By the way, does it actually fit in your oven or will you have to rope in the neighbours’ cooker to tackle the trimmings? How would you explain all of the reasoning behind this?
It’s a peculiarity in this part of the universe that so many of us choose to indulge in. Although many of us aren’t actually choosing, we’re just following really a tradition that’s been here for a few hundred years and it seems like a nice thing to do. There are many things I like about Christmas and one of the main things is the fact that the time seems to influence people to be a little kinder to each other. I’d love to know why and how that kindness came about from a neuroscientific or anthropological point of view. Wouldn’t you? No? Oh well, each to their own.
But that is one of my favourite idiosyncracies around Christmas time; many people seem to be kinder than usual and I like to see everyone displaying it and lapping it up and smiling at the neighbour you’ve hated all year, and sharing a drink and a funny sentence or two with them.
Then we get this fat twerp in a red suit blocking our chimneys and causing all sorts of potentially dangerous situations with his careless rooftop shennanigins. My question is this: If I went down just one chimney in a red suit with white fur trimmings, it would be filthy by the time I came through the other end; how come that doesn’t happen to him? What are we asking ourselves and our kids to believe here? And don’t talk to me about magic or I’ll talk to you about bull dust.
Maybe the real magic is in that kindness thing we do? Maybe the fat guy is just a little red herring? Maybe the whole new baby image thing is something that was always there – a new baby means the continuation of the human race and that’s always worth celebrating. Well, isn’t it?
Haha.
